This is the first time I'm saying “a**” at my blog. I took a FaceBook poll and decided to go for it. (Thanks to everyone who responded.) Sorry if it offends anyone.
Sometimes, life just tries to kick your a** and drag you down in the undertow. Whether it's a person or a circumstance, personal or professional, this underbelly side of life can be debilitating, and I've been experiencing a bit of it lately. Hence, this post and all the “a**” word drama. LOL!
How do I maintain in spite of all this would-be (and sometimes real) a** kicking? Despite haters and the general unfairness of it all? Despite disappointment and disgust (with myself and others)? Well, first, I whine. Because, you know, it helps. (Thanks to husband and brother for listening to me whine.) But only for a minute or two. Then I drag my a** out of that hole and do these three things, pretty much in this order.
- Think things through. Thinking is underrated in my opinion. We're always so hell bent (ooops, maybe I should have asked about that word too?) on action and proactivity, that we forget to use our brains for a bit before doing anything.
So, the first thing I do, after limited whining to husband and brother, is think. Think about why I'm upset. Clarify what's really bothering me.
Is the mean thing someone said about me truly upsetting, or am I just upset because she said it in front of third parties, specifically to humiliate or embarrass me?
Is what my husband did upsetting, or am I upset because his action reminds me of something I need to be doing myself, and am not?
Am I feeling negative and unproductive because life is being hurled at me, or am I feeling that way because I have not been doing a good job of organizing my priorities?
These questions can be subtly different, but you can see how asking them will help you get to the nitty gritty. If you don't ask the hard questions, you won't get useful answers. Asking precise questions will pave the way for you to respond well.
In order to rise to the occasion with the best response to any negative situation, you must first identify what's producing the negativity. Then, you can move to Step 2.
- Circle your wagons. Now that you know the source of the negativity, you can call on your posse to help you. And because you've thought things through so well, you can cut right to the chase. Your friends can help you clarify the problem if that's needed, but if you've done a good job of thinking on your own first, that shouldn't take long.
Your true friends will help you re-touch reality. They'll hold a mirror for you. You know, hug you and then tell your a** the truth — even if you're wrong. Circle your wagons, and then move to the next step — my personal favorite.
- Kick some a**! Oh yeah! This is when you turn the situation around the kick the negativity in the a**. Look out for this part, because it makes the a**-kicking you got so worth it.
Here's where you combine all that thinking and wagon circling you did to create your next amazing move. Here is where you change the script and move the conversation forward. It's about learning from your past, not being wedded to it. Here's where you create more of what you want in your life.
You may have to have a difficult but necessary conversation with yourself (or others) here. You may have to cut ties with some people. (Ouch!) You may have to move to a new town. You may even have to change your name, a la IBN's Louisville Director, Alyssa Middleton.
The point is to deal with it, once and for all, and move your a** forward.
So those are the steps: First, think. Then circle your wagons. Then kick some a**. It sounds easier than it is, I know.
But I do it and so can you.
Question: So, what do you think? How does this compare to how you move yourself from negativity to positivity? Which step are you in right now, in regard to a potentially negative or challenging situation in your life?